This is the first newsletter for The Essence of Life Publishing Company. It has to go out today because you have been waiting too long to dig into this. So, let’s get started!
The Offices of The Essence of Life Publishing Company: A Brief Summary
Our offices are in the process of being habitable. We’re at the homestretch—if we can get someone out to Gaston to put in the plumbing! However, our resident handyman, Jordan, has insulated, wired, and sheetrocked the building all by himself! He’s a man of character, and I’m glad he’s here on the homestead.
You may be wondering: how did you get a whole building, Essence? You lucky woman!
The building was initially purchased for me and my (at the time) fiance. The plan was that we were going to get married. I was engaged, y’all! But there was much to be desired once we arrived in Gaston, North Carolina, and the engagement and relationship devolved into something ugly and disrespectful.
And that is where I am at right now. I am really meditating on respect: not just respect for others, but respect for oneself.
You Teach People How to Treat You
I heard this quote from one of my adopted grandmother’s friends. “You teach people how to treat you,” he had said to her, voice thick with New York City. I was sitting on the couch, out of it. I was off my medication because I did not have health insurance (don’t try to do things during Mercury retrograde, and it was holiday season.). I was just sitting on the couch. I was probably half-asleep; however, I was still invested in this conversation, because the conversations my grandmother has with people are fascinating and intelligent and I always walk away with something good to use in my own life.
She was talking about the experience the entire family had just experienced with my now ex-fiance. While I and my adopted brother experienced the violence directly, the rippling effects have lasted well into 2020. She had made the decision to cut my ex, who is her brother, off. The decision had already been solidified for me for a number of reasons before she pulled hers out. Here are the top 3:
1) I was tired of being treated like crap. When would it end?
2) I had several family members, including a (at the time) 5 year old niece, that I was not going to allow to bear witness to any woman be treated like crap if I could help it, and especially not by anyone who claimed they loved her.
3) I was too through with the arguing, the fighting, and the blatant disrespect of me and other family members.
The night I decided to end the engagement was a really hard decision, because it also included not undergoing testing to donate a kidney, which was something I was willing to for him. However, the way I was being treated, the way he was treating other family members, and his overall disagreeability made him intolerable to be around. It was either me or him. It had been me degrading myself for at least a decade with various men who wanted sexual satisfaction. But that night was enough. Things became very clear. I had to do something. I knew that.
I had to change.
Comparing November 2019 to November 2020: What’s Changed?
What’s changed is that I have had a new type of support. I have had what my adopted grandmother would call “quantum leaps.” I can make simple meals for myself, such as oatmeal and scrambled eggs. I know how to clean a bathroom. The most joyous thing, however, is doing laundry on a regular basis. In Trenton, I was lucky if I washed clothes once a year, a lifestyle I had developed from my late teens after my mom flat out refused to do my laundry.
What’s happening now is that there isn’t any degradation of myself, there is no suffocation due to too much support, nor is there any drowning due to too little support. What’s happening is that I get to find out who I am, really.
I wonder about that sometimes. That is what I will be exploring here in this newsletter. Because my life will continue on, but if I don’t recognize the things that have happened, then I do myself a disservice.
I am tired of doing myself a disservice. Join me in learning and understanding why I did myself a disservice, dishonor, and disrespect, and how I intend on making sure no one else follows in my footsteps.
Where Can You Find The Essence of Life?
You can find The Essence of Life Publishing Company on Instagram @essenceoflifepublishingco and on Facebook at The Essence of Life Publishing Company. I am working on the main website right now as well as a online storefront where you can buy T-shirts, tote bags, and more with quotes from my original writing on them.
This newsletter will be released once monthly on the first Monday of every month. I again apologize for this delay—things have been coming up left and right. I will be working harder on planning my life accordingly so the next newsletter arrives in your inbox on time.
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